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The Meaning of Alternative Dispute Resolution: And how it impacts your divorce

What is Alternative Dispute Resolution?

By 

Shared cusstody on The Smart DivorcePeople who need family lawyers are different from people who need other types of lawyers. If you are going through a separation or divorce, or if you need help with child custody or access, child or spousal support, or a children’s aid society issue, your case is about your life.

John Schuman with Deborah

John Schuman with Deborah

The lawyer you choose, and how the separation agreement is settled will also determine how amicable or adversarial the divorce process is, once again impacting your life.  In this episode of The Smart Divorce with Deborah Moskovitch, family law lawyer, John Schuman helps us understand the differences between all of the Alternative Dispute Resolutions to consider when coming to a separation agreement.  We discuss the importance of staying out of court, but also when it might the only option.   John has litigated before every level of court in Ontario, so readily understands the outcomes – not only from a decision perspective, but the impact on emotions as well.

For more on John Schuman, visit: http://www.devrylaw.ca/ and read Nobody Asks Where I Want to Live at:http://www.devrylaw.ca/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/ConsenttoTreatmentandParenting.pdf.

Don’t forget, Like us on our Facebook pages, The Smart Divorce and Divorce Source Radio.  Join the community!

To hear this podcast click here


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When nannies get caught in divorce drama

I spoke with Wency Leung at the Globe&Mail about my personal experience with my nanny through divorce.  This article provides insight into many important considerations when a nanny/babysitter is involved.

Baby wrangler or domestic diplomat? When nannies get caught in divorce drama

WENCY LEUNG

As a nanny, 23-year-old Ana was prepared to deal with tears, name-calling and the silent treatment while on the job. She just did not expect to witness it between her employers. When the couple who hired her split up last year, she often felt caught in the middle.

Some days, she struggled to keep both parents happy as she took care of their toddler son in downtown Toronto. Other days, the entire household felt bogged down by a general sense of sadness. And on particularly awkward occasions, one parent would bad-mouth the other in front of her or ask for information about their spouse.

“It was just very traumatic for everybody – for the kid, for the nanny, for everybody who lived there,” Ana says, noting she tried to stay out of the couple’s personal affairs as much as she could. (Because of the sensitive nature of the issue, she requested that her full name not be published.) “I would just try to keep my opinions to myself.”

As Ana discovered, divorce adds a whole new set of challenges to a nanny’s job. In addition to regular child-minding duties, a break-up requires nannies to adopt the role of domestic diplomat, dodging highly-charged conflicts without taking sides. Yet amid the turmoil, nannies can also become a much-needed source of stability for the children in their care. And navigating the chaos can strengthen the nanny-child bond.

Royal nanny Olga Powell’s reassuring presence through the highly publicized breakup of Prince Charles and the late Diana, Princess of Wales, is believed to have helped Prince William and Prince Harry cement their relationship with their long-time caregiver. Prince William, the Duke of Cambridge, pulled out of several official engagements to attend Powell’s funeral this week. According to The Telegraph, Powell, who died last month at the age of 82, started looking after Prince William when he was six months old. She worked for the royal family for 15 years, helping the princes get through their parents’ troubled marriage and eventual divorce.

“In the circumstances of divorce, the nanny is kind of that one stable factor,” says Kellie Geres, a veteran nanny with more than 20 years of experience, based in Washington, D.C., who has served three households through divorce. When their home life is in upheaval, “the children recognize that … there is somebody that they can count on, and I think the parents also recognize that too.”

Ana and her young charge have become close over the past year. “From the beginning, I loved him very much because he was such a lovely kid,” she says, noting the challenge of protecting and caring for him during his parents’ separation may have amplified those feelings. Ana now works exclusively for the parent who moved out with the child, and rarely has contact with the other.

Given that roughly 40 per cent of Canadian marriages end in divorce, dealing with employers’ break-ups is not uncommon for child caregivers. In fact, Martha Scully, founder the online database CanadianNanny.ca, based in Nanaimo, says in recent years she has seen a growing number of divorced and separating couples register on her site together to find a nanny who can provide consistent care in their fractured households.

But even though they may be willing to co-operate during the hiring process, that does not necessarily make it easier for caregivers to avoid strife among exes. Scully says she often hears of parents giving their nannies conflicting directions – a problem that can be compounded when couples remarry, bringing more opinions and expectations into the mix. (Geres says it helps if parents can decide that one of them is the boss, so even though the caregiver may update all the adults with their children’s activities and progress, she needs only answer to one.)

Some nannies also get stuck doing double duty, cleaning and doing chores for two homes instead of one. And since some employers treat their nannies like members of the family, it can be hard for them to resist dishing the dirt on the exes. Defining the boundaries of the nanny-employer relationship can be tricky at the best of times.

Even among couples who are not going through divorce, relying on hired help can bring up parents’ feelings of guilt or concern that their roles are being replaced. Scully often hears mothers worry: “Is the nanny going to start looking like Mom to the baby?” These fears can worsen when parental roles change during divorce; when, for example, a stay-at-home parent is required to find work or a parent spends less time with the children after moving out.

“When parents express that worry to us, I always say you can’t have too many people who love a child,” Scully says. “So let’s say the child really loves a nanny. Is that such a bad thing?”

Deborah Moskovitch, Toronto-based divorce coach and author of The Smart Divorce, says that far from taking over her role, the family nanny gave her more time to spend one-on-one with each of her children when she went through her own divorce.

Click here to read the whole article and valuable advice


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Special for Clients, Friends, Fans and Followers of The Smart Divorce

Divorce Party the Musical: The hilarious journey to hell……and back!

Divorce is emotional, it’s fraught with fear and uncertainty, something definitely not to poke fun at or take lightly.  But, given what we know, and  how devastating divorce may be, this can also be a time to reach out and bring some humour into life, if only for an evening.

I share this play because it treats divorce with dignity, while providing  friendly fun……a night of entertainment and a temporary escape from reality. And,  a special offer of savings for the event. Read below…….

To learn more about The Smart Divorce visit www.thesmartdivorce.com

The Smart Divorce is your one stop shop for cost effective divorce support


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Five Steps to a Healthier You, Post-Divorce

Make no mistake; divorce is upper case Emotional. When I decided to leave my marriage, I could not imagine how I would ever say the “d” word to my children or spell out how their lives would change. While I accepted whole-heartedly that my priority was to put my children’s best interests first, I was also painfully aware of how my world was uncoupling and changing. Even though almost 40 per cent of marriages end in divorce, I felt little comfort from a statistic.

At first, I felt very overwhelmed most days. I vividly recall many dreams of moving through scary-divorce-land bogged down by a big bad trunk of fear, anxiety, guilt and anger. I knew I had to unload the trunk to get anywhere but I did not want to “deal.” And, who could even think of dating. But the truth is, that while I knew it was important to put my children’s best interests first, I also knew that it was important to get my own life on track if I was going to be a good parent and role model.

As I began to rebuild my life post-split I quickly realized I had choices — I could choose to be a victim, or I could choose to move on, and it was up to me to build a good life, a happy and fulfilling life. Yes, the future was fraught with uncertainty but I reframed that thought and looked at what I could do to make life better, happier and brighter. The life I’ve now created is beyond my wildest dreams. If anyone would have told me in the darkest of my emotional days that I would be a divorce coach, a best selling Canadian author, a keynote speaker at The Divorce Party — and so much more, I would have told them they were dreaming. But, by opening myself up to new experiences and being open minded, I learned that divorce is rich in opportunity to learn and grown from — and grow I did.

To find out the 5 steps, read the full article here 


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The Divorce Party on CP24Breakfast

Want to hear more about The Divorce Party? Steve Anthony and I spoke today about the Divorce Party and much more, on CP24.  Would love to hear your thoughts about this inspiring event.  Come and join the fun!

http://www.cp24.com/video?clipId=762136


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The Divorce Party on Humble and Fred

What to hear more about The Divorce Party and buy tickets?  Tune in to The Humble and Fred podcast.

You’ll hear more about finding your post divorce happiness, what divorce is all about, and how this life changing event can be rich in opportunity to learn and grown from. Click on the link to download this informative and entertaining podcast http://www.humbleandfred.com


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Blog now added to Law Blogs!

My blog has recently been added to Law Blogs, which is part of one of the largest networks of blog directories on the Web. Please visit my blog’s personal page to vote for my blog and comment to other blog users.


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Divorce Party The Musical

Divorce Party the Musical: The hilarious journey to hell……and back!

Divorce is emotional, it’s fraught with fear and uncertainty, something definitely not to poke fun at or take lightly.  But, given what we know, and  how devastating divorce may be, this can also be a time to reach out and bring some humour into life, if only for an evening.

I share this play because it treats divorce with dignity, while providing  friendly fun……a night of entertainment and a temporary escape from reality.

DIVORCE PARTY THE MUSICAL-The Hilarious Journey to Hell…and Back! promises a night of laughter and solidarity for all. The story centers on Linda, who is still reeling from the collapse of her marriage. When all she wants to do is have another bowl of Chubby Hubby ice cream, Linda’s three friends (along with a massage therapist/pizza delivery boy/make-over guru and others) decide to help her move on to a new beginning by throwing her the mother of all divorce parties. Using familiar songs with new lyrics, and coupled with a good dose of comic mayhem (and a touch of “naughty”) the girls cut loose on the realities of divorce, long term relationships and moving on.

Broadway and professional theater producer Mark Schwartz (MENOPAUSE THE MUSICAL) teamed up with Dr. Amy Botwinick, author of Congratulations on Your Divorce -The Road to Finding Your Happily Ever After to create this riotous new production. “DIVORCE PARTY THE MUSICAL is the perfect opportunity for friends and adult family members to get together and laugh at a subject that affects nearly everyone.”

For a glimpse of this hilarious play, Divorce Party The Musical, come out to The Divorce Party http://divorce-party.ca on September 21, 2012 at the Capitol Event Theatre in Toronto, Ontario.  Only at this event will “The Boy Toy” of Divorce Party The Musical perform a special number!  The “Boy Toy” plays everything from a massage therapist to a pizza delivery boy to a make-over guru.  The Divorce Party promises to be a great evening out, and one of transformation and reinvention. I’ll be there to help guide you to your post divorce happiness.

For more information about The Divorce Party Musical contact Stage West Theatre 905-238-0042 or visit stagewest.com

For more information about The Divorce Party – 2012 please email info@divorce-party.ca or send in your request through http://divorce-party.ca/contact-us/#.UC_a9UKoq-8 


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Canada’s Largest Divorce Party – Come Join the Fun!

Reinvent, Transform, Be Inspired!

Join me and many others for an evening of entertainment, inspiration, fun and much more.

On September 21, 2012 I will be speaking at the Largest Divorce Party in Canada…..this is going to be a spectacular event filled with give aways, gifts, motivational speakers, music, laughter, entertainment and fun.

Hundreds of like minded people will be gathering to meet with their like minded friends or mingle with new ones to share in a night filled with music, laughter, cocktails and divorce.

How can people celebrate divorce with laughter, music and cocktails?

The Divorce Party has been around for quite a few years but there’s never been anything on a scale quite like this, ever.  While smaller divorce parties, between groups of friends have proven to be the time for bonding and closure, this divorce party is a little different.  This is a celebration of who we are and what we face as we move into the next, new and exciting chapter of our lives.

 What are we planning?

At this Divorce Party, you don’t have to be a divorcee to attend.  Maybe you’re single and interested in meeting new people or perhaps you’re attached but come in support of a friend; it doesn’t matter because this night is a celebration of new beginnings and life’s journeys to come.

What else is there?

With your ticket, you’ll not only get to experience great food, the company of good people and the pleasure of well made drinks but you’ll also have the opportunity to hear from some of stellar guests like, Deborah Moskovitch, founder of: The Smart Divorce; a woman dedicated to helping people cope with their divorce by assisting them with implementation of life skill strategies so that their next chapter starts on a crisp, clean page.  There’s the “BoyToy” from  Divorce Party: The Musical, In DIVORCE PARTY THE MUSICAL, the “Boy Toy” plays everything from a massage therapist to a pizza delivery boy to a make-over guru. He will perform a special number at the Divorce Party; and of course no party is complete without dancing and carrying on when our disc jockey’s, take the stage.

There’s prizes, there’s food, there’s friends and then there’s you.  This night is all about you.

We believe that the spice in life is harnessed from our ability to re-invent ourselves as we cross over each hurdle in life.

Come join the fun!

For more information check out the link: http://www.divorce-party.ca/

or email info@divorce-party.ca​


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Be Creative with Your Mediation

New on The Smart Divorce on Divorce Source Radio:

We welcome back our guest, Mark Baer (http://www.markbaeresq.com/), a family law attorney, mediator, and collaborative law practitioner in Pasadena, California and who has been practicing for twenty years.  Mark shares his opinions and views about the family law system, how it can be better and provide more creative ways on getting through divorce.  Deborah Moskovitch, Steve Peck and Mark explore a variety of concepts regarding mediation.  This program isn’t just a standard outline of mediation, but shakes it up a little in this controversial and lively discussion.

 

Divorce Mediation

Mark Baer

How do you think outside the box in mediation? Mark Baer encourages you to ponder as we discuss:

  • The way in which bias impacts family law litigation
  • Why “evaluative mediation” is not really mediation, even though most lawyers and judicial officers believe otherwise
  • Whether family law attorneys should have higher ethical obligations than other attorneys
  • Funding your children’s college/university education when child support isn’t enough or stops
  • What money represents

There seems to be a major disconnect between the way the public views mediation and how the attorneys and judicial officers view as mediation.  This is a conversation that is steeped in controversy.  Tune in and then let us hear your thoughts on our Facebook fan pages…and don’t forget to like us.   The Smart Divorce http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Smart-Divorce/202908933137654 and www.Facebook.com/DivorceSourceRadio