The Smart Divorce® Weblog

Move forward with focus, hope, and confidence.


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Five Steps to a Healthier You, Post-Divorce

Make no mistake; divorce is upper case Emotional. When I decided to leave my marriage, I could not imagine how I would ever say the “d” word to my children or spell out how their lives would change. While I accepted whole-heartedly that my priority was to put my children’s best interests first, I was also painfully aware of how my world was uncoupling and changing. Even though almost 40 per cent of marriages end in divorce, I felt little comfort from a statistic.

At first, I felt very overwhelmed most days. I vividly recall many dreams of moving through scary-divorce-land bogged down by a big bad trunk of fear, anxiety, guilt and anger. I knew I had to unload the trunk to get anywhere but I did not want to “deal.” And, who could even think of dating. But the truth is, that while I knew it was important to put my children’s best interests first, I also knew that it was important to get my own life on track if I was going to be a good parent and role model.

As I began to rebuild my life post-split I quickly realized I had choices — I could choose to be a victim, or I could choose to move on, and it was up to me to build a good life, a happy and fulfilling life. Yes, the future was fraught with uncertainty but I reframed that thought and looked at what I could do to make life better, happier and brighter. The life I’ve now created is beyond my wildest dreams. If anyone would have told me in the darkest of my emotional days that I would be a divorce coach, a best selling Canadian author, a keynote speaker at The Divorce Party — and so much more, I would have told them they were dreaming. But, by opening myself up to new experiences and being open minded, I learned that divorce is rich in opportunity to learn and grown from — and grow I did.

To find out the 5 steps, read the full article here 


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Happy Jewish New Year

To all my followers and fans who celebrate, wishing you all the very best for a happy, healthy and sweet New Year.  Shana Tova!

I found some inspiring messages on Haaretz.com that I would like to share…..and even if you don’t celebrate, these are worthwhile reading.

Four rabbis share lessons for the Jewish New Year in 2012

Rabbi Stewart Weiss (Orthodox), is the director of the Jewish Outreach Center of Ra’anana.

Rabbi Weiss’ message is – Listen to Each Other.  “I think that the primary message that I want to communicate this Rosh Hashanah/Yom Kippur is for all of us to work on our interpersonal relationships, and specifically on the art of hearing,” says Weiss……But it’s listening that we have to work on, and perfect that art. God gave us two ears, one mouth. We should be doing twice as much listening.”

Rabbi Miri Gold ‏(Reform‏), leads Kehilat Birkat Shalom in Kibbutz Gezer, a regional synagogue affiliated with the Israeli Reform movement.

Rabbi Gold’s message is – Hope and Action. “I believe that Judaism is all about doing. And after we’ve gone through our soul-searching in the month of Elul, I think there’s a tendency to come up feeling discouraged and despairing over all of the things that went wrong in our own lives and in our society and in our world. And so the message I’m trying to convey is that during this holiday season, when we often talk about it as the birth of the world and humankind, that we can realize that it’s really a time when we can make changes and show by our actions that even on a very small and modest level we can make the world a better place…”

Rabbi Jeff Cymet ‏(Masorti‏) leads Kehila Chadasha, a new congregation in North Tel Aviv. A practicing attorney, Cymet was ordained four years ago.

 Rabbi Cymet’s message is – Search for Meaning.  “Everyone … needs to recommit and renew and refresh their own personal mission. And we do that with the understanding that each one of us is mortal. None of us will live forever, and we know each and every year there are some who will live and some who will die. And we need to figure out how to make our own lives meaningful in that context − meaningful in the context of knowing that each one of us will have an end at some point and how to make our works for the coming year have some lasting value.”

Rabbi Shlomo Riskin ‏(Orthodox‏) is the founding Chief Rabbi of Efrat and founder and dean of the Ohr Torah Stone Institutions, in the United States and Israel.

Rabbi Riskin’s message is – Ask for Redemption.  “…..Ask for good health. Ask for pleasure from their children. Ask for good sustenance,” says Riskin. “But there’s a story by [the Yiddish writer I. L.] Peretz, ‘Bontshe Shtok,’ Bontshe the Silent, about a man who lived a horrific life and never said a word against God or against man. When he came to heaven, God asked him, ‘You tell me what you want as your reward.’ The only thing he could ask for was a fresh roll and hot butter every morning. And Satan laughed the mordant laugh of victory. Sometimes the world can be so difficult it robs an individual of his dreams and of real vision. He could have asked for redemption.”

To read the full article, click on the link http://www.haaretz.com/weekend/anglo-file/four-rabbis-share-lessons-for-the-jewish-new-year-in-2012.premium-1.464898 


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Canada’s Largest Divorce Party

Divorce is emotional, it’s fraught with fear and uncertainty, something definitely not to poke fun at or take lightly.  But, given what we know, and how devastating divorce may be, this can also be a time to reach out and bring some humour into life, if only for an evening.

You may wonder, can divorce really be celebrated while maintaining respect and dignity while providing friendly fun, night of entertainment and a temporary escape from reality.  The answer is yes, thanks to Divorce Party 2012, this is going to be a spectacular event filled with give-aways, gifts, motivational speakers, music, laughter, entertainment and fun.

Hundreds of like minded people will be gathering to meet with their like minded friends or mingle with new ones to share in a night filled with music, laughter, cocktails and divorce.

You don’t need to be a divorcee to attend the largest divorce party in Canada! Friday, September 21 @ 7:00pm – 1:00am

@ Capitol Event Theatre, 2492 Yonge Street @ Eglinton

 Enjoy cocktails & hors d’oeuvres! 

 What: Enjoy a night filled w/ music, laughter, cocktails, motivational speakers, live performances & of course, Divorce, relationships and finding happiness!

Attire: business/cocktailAttire: business/cocktail

Featured speakers include: Deborah Moskovitch, author of: “The Smart Divorce: Proven Strategies and Valuable Advice from 100 Top Divorce Lawyers, Financial Advisers, Counselors and Other Experts,” Dr. Amy Botwinick: Author of “Congratulations on Your Divorce -The Road to Finding Your Happily Ever After,” Clance Laylor: Founder and CEO of Laylor Performance Systems and a former director of the Poliquin Performance Centre, and Armie DiCarlo: Fashion Stylist and Owner-Manager of ARTEMIS. 

Live performance from Boy Toy of “Divorce Party: The Musical: The Hilarious Journey to Hell … and Back” and music by Scotia Entertainment! Enjoy the “Reinvent Yourself Fashion Show” featuring men’s and women’s fashion with wardrobe stylist and fashion expert Amanda Coles of “Styled Silhouettes,” and remarks by Humble Howard of “Humbleandfredradio.com” 

Purchase your advanced ticket for $30, http://www.divorce-party.ca/tickets/ or for $40 at the door.

A portion of the proceeds from the Divorce Party will be allocated to our charitable partner, Make-A-Wish Canada Foundation.

 Media contact: Danielle Iversen, Publicist or Evan De Souza, PR Intern, d@thatPRthing.com

Join me in celebrating new beginnings and life’s journeys to come!  


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Canada’s Largest Divorce Party – Come Join the Fun!

Reinvent, Transform, Be Inspired!

Join me and many others for an evening of entertainment, inspiration, fun and much more.

On September 21, 2012 I will be speaking at the Largest Divorce Party in Canada…..this is going to be a spectacular event filled with give aways, gifts, motivational speakers, music, laughter, entertainment and fun.

Hundreds of like minded people will be gathering to meet with their like minded friends or mingle with new ones to share in a night filled with music, laughter, cocktails and divorce.

How can people celebrate divorce with laughter, music and cocktails?

The Divorce Party has been around for quite a few years but there’s never been anything on a scale quite like this, ever.  While smaller divorce parties, between groups of friends have proven to be the time for bonding and closure, this divorce party is a little different.  This is a celebration of who we are and what we face as we move into the next, new and exciting chapter of our lives.

 What are we planning?

At this Divorce Party, you don’t have to be a divorcee to attend.  Maybe you’re single and interested in meeting new people or perhaps you’re attached but come in support of a friend; it doesn’t matter because this night is a celebration of new beginnings and life’s journeys to come.

What else is there?

With your ticket, you’ll not only get to experience great food, the company of good people and the pleasure of well made drinks but you’ll also have the opportunity to hear from some of stellar guests like, Deborah Moskovitch, founder of: The Smart Divorce; a woman dedicated to helping people cope with their divorce by assisting them with implementation of life skill strategies so that their next chapter starts on a crisp, clean page.  There’s the “BoyToy” from  Divorce Party: The Musical, In DIVORCE PARTY THE MUSICAL, the “Boy Toy” plays everything from a massage therapist to a pizza delivery boy to a make-over guru. He will perform a special number at the Divorce Party; and of course no party is complete without dancing and carrying on when our disc jockey’s, take the stage.

There’s prizes, there’s food, there’s friends and then there’s you.  This night is all about you.

We believe that the spice in life is harnessed from our ability to re-invent ourselves as we cross over each hurdle in life.

Come join the fun!

For more information check out the link: http://www.divorce-party.ca/

or email info@divorce-party.ca​


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The Smart Divorce Audio Series Now Available

Get through your divorce as you save time, money – and your sanity! One low price gives you the complete Smart Divorce ToolKit –audios and Smart Guides – a cost-effective way to reduce stress as you help clients and manage the divorce process.

Endorsed by judges, lawyers and mental health professionals, The Smart Divorce ToolKit provides guidance and information from leading family law lawyers, mental health professionals, and parenting experts, well versed on the needs of those in the divorce process. This one smart package makes it uncomplicated and effortless to understand.

Reassuring, informative and easy to listen to, The Smart Divorce  Smart Audios offer more than 2.5 hours of presentations, full of insightful tips and strategies to help you navigate this difficult time.

Deborah Moskovitch educates listeners about the divorce process and provides practical information on getting through it with focus, hope and confidence. She teams with psychologist Dr. Robert Simon , an expert on divorce, relationships and families – with a special focus on children of divorce and custody conflicts.

Audio 1 – The Emotional Divorce

Understand that every divorce has two sides: legal and emotional. The Smart Divorce Audio 1 gives you strategies and tips for coping in healthy ways with your emotions, so you can make clear-headed decisions for your children and yourself. (37.24 minutes)

Audio 2 – The Legal Divorce

Empower yourself by knowing what’s ahead. The Smart Divorce Audio 2 helps you understand how to organize, prepare and work towards a realistic, favorable outcome for you and your family. From selecting the right legal advocate to exploring other divorce options, The Legal Divorce helps you manage the practicalities and take charge of the process. (45.24 minutes)

Audio 3 – Smart Co-Parenting: Putting Your Children’s Best Interests First

Help your kids think of themselves as regular kids, not the children of divorce. The Smart Divorce Audio 3 helps you understand what they are going through, and talk to your children about the divorce. Learn the challenges and issues of co-parenting, and how to make it work. Move forward, maintaining positive connections with your children. (40.61 minutes)

Audio 4 – Rebuilding Your Life Post Divorce

Divorce is a hugely emotional time. But it’s also an opportunity to reevaluate your life and make it better than it was before your divorce. The Smart Divorce Audio 4 helps you embrace an uncertain future, and move forward with focus, hope and confidence. It gives you coping strategies for dealing with your former partner, and ways to develop your most important and lasting relationship: with yourself. (33.66 minutes)

For more information and to buy these informative videos click on the link:

http://www.cdbaby.com/Artist/DeborahMoskovitchAndRobertASim

If you would like to learn more about this unique and innovative program, and how it may help you, please contact Deborah Moskovitch at The Smart Divorce by emailing info@thesmartdivorce.com, or call 905.695.0270.


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Understanding Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

My colleague, Dr. Robert Cipriano Jr., has put together this very informative YouTube video on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).  The effects of PTSD and the impact on the family is serious, and a deep understanding of what goes on is critical.

Tune in and watch this important video as Dr. Cipriano explains what PTSD is all about.

http://youtu.be/kbHNm9XFlB0

If you want to learn more, I interviewed Dr. Cipriano on The Smart Divorce.  Click on the link below to hear  this informative show

http://www.divorcesourceradio.com/can-divorce-cause-post-traumatic-stress-disorder/


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Can Divorce Cause Sickness & Disease?

Stress not only affects our mental well-being, but our physical health as well.  Our guest, Dr. Vivien Browna family physician and Vice President for MEDISYS Health Group, Inc., in charge of Medical Affairs (http://www.medisys.ca/) explores the impact of stress on the body and how you can actually prevent disease and illness – because “nothing makes you feel more fragile than getting sick.”

Dr. Brown shares with us the importance of preventative medicine and what you can do at a time when your body is most vulnerable.   An award winner for teaching on many levels, Dr. Brown’s major interests are in the area of health promotion and prevention for women, and continuing medical education. She is particularly focused in the area of Adult Immunization and Vaccine Preventable Illness.

Topics include:

  • The impact of stress on the immune system on our lives
  • Focusing on a healthy lifestyle and understanding modifiable risks
  • Health promotion and health prevention
  • The importance of a fitness program
  • Important immunizations
  • Coping with depression

To hear this podcast, click on the link:  http://www.divorcesourceradio.com/can-divorce-cause-sickness-disease/


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A Guide To Great Relationships

Tune in to The Smart Divorce on Divorce Source Radio to hear Deborah Moskovitch and Steve Peck discuss a “How to Guide” to great relationships.

Have you ever stopped to think why the divorce rate rises with each subsequent marriage, or why seemingly great relationships don’t work?

In this episode of The Smart Divorce with Deborah Moskovitch, Deborah and Steve Peck discuss relationships – what’s great and what isn’t.  All too often people fall into the same relationship patterns – they get involved with the same “type” that didn’t work for them previously like physical appearance or character traits.

Today’s conversation includes:

  • 5 Significant messages to be mindful of
  • Avoid repeating the bad relationship patterns
  • A candid story of Steve Peck’s relationship mistakes
  • Deborah shares how she overcame her relationship immaturity

An interesting and informative show filled with insight and candor.   Deborah speaks to the article she wrote Midlife Divorce: Blame it on Your Parents? http://www.more.ca/relationships/single-life/midlife-divorce-blame-it-on-your-parents/a/33856

To hear this informative interview click on the link

http://www.divorcesourceradio.com/great-relationships-a-how-to-guide-to-get-there-again/


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Save Time, Money and Your Sanity When Going Through Divorce

Want to learn more about The Smart Divorce Resource ToolKit, listen in as Steve Peck and I talk about how to have The Smart Divorce.

The very word “divorce” conjures up fear, sadness, anger, confusion and, for some, relief.  But the reality of what divorce really looks like and means with all of its implications are not always clear.  With close to 50% of marriages ending in divorce, we need to better employ strategies that will keep everyone, including those caught in the middle – often the children – moving towards a better life. Divorce can be a beginning even if it looks like an end.

No matter who you are, what your finances look like, whether you have children or working through issues, divorce can be complex and complicated, but it doesn’t need to be.  Almost all of us have questions, deal with problems and are faced with the myriad of concerns as we navigate the maze of divorce.

Hear Deborah Moskovitch and Steve Peck discuss the concerns and questions most of us have through divorce and the importance of making smart decisions – all with the help of The Smart Divorce Resource ToolKit.

Topics include:

  • The emotional, legal and finances of divorce
  • Smart Co-Parenting
  • Rebuilding your life to build a better future
  • Coping with divorce in the workplace
  • Understanding workplace stress
  • How organizations can help employees  stay mindful on the job

“Like” Divorce Source Radio on Facebook between February 8-15 to enter your name in a draw to win a copy of The Smart Divorce Resource ToolKit. 

But, even if you don’t win the free ToolKit, it’s still a win, email info@thesmartdivorce.com to place an order and mention you heard about it on Divorce Source Radio to receive a 10% discount! To preview the program click on the link – http://wp.me/pbONe-gF

Click on the link to listen to this most valuable interview ad learn how you can save time, money and your sanity on the way to a Smart Divorce.

http://www.divorcesourceradio.com/save-time-money-and-your-sanity-when-going-through-divorce/


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How to Help Your Friend During Divorce

I was recently interviewed by Jen Kirsch at Canadian Living Magazine about being a friend – to a friend during divorce.  This is what we discussed:

How to help friends going through a divorce or breakup

By Jen Kirsch

You don’t always have to know the right thing to say — just being a good friend who’s there is often enough.
Nothing is as heartbreaking as watching someone you really care about experience divorce or the breakup of a long-term relationship. These are life-altering events, and they almost always result in the person going through a messy grieving process in order to pick up the pieces and move on. Of course you want to be a good, reliable friend, but what exactly does that entail?We asked Deborah Moskovitch, a divorce consultant and educator and author of the book The Smart Divorce(Chicago Review Press, 2007), to share her tips on helping a friend weather the divorce storm.1. If you didn’t like her ex, keep it to yourself 
People can make off-the-cuff remarks that can be really hurtful. For instance: “I never liked him in the first place,” or “You’re better off without that loser,” says Moskovitch. “These comments can trigger your friend’s own insecurities, and make her feel ashamed for being with her ex.”If you bad-mouth her ex, your friend may internalize your comments and think they reflect on her. You could be doing more harm than good, so avoid using put-downs or confessing how you really feel about her ex. “With time, the divorced couple may become amicable and you’ll have said things that can’t be unsaid,” Moskovitch reminds us.
To view the full article and see all 5 tips, click on the link