The Smart Divorce® Weblog

Move forward with focus, hope, and confidence.


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Lifethrudivorce.com

There’s a new website out and I’m profiled in the launch site….read on to find more information.

http://lifethrudivorce.com/ltd-bloggers/?contrib=50


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Divorce Rates in Canada on Decline: But So Are Marriage Rates

I have been quoted in The Huffington Post to provide an understanding of what might be going on with the declining divorce rates.

Divorce Rates In Canada On Decline: StatsCan Numbers Show Fewer Cases

The Huffington Post Canada  | By Rebecca Zamon

Divorce is on the decline in Canada for the third year in a row, according to a new Statistics Canada report. In a paper entitled Divorce Cases In Civil Court, 2010/11, author Mary Bess Kelly details the number of divorce cases reported from Nova Scotia, Ontario, Alberta, British Columbia, Yukon, Northwest Territories and Nunavut, representing 66 per cent of Canada’s population.

According to these statistics, 53,804 new divorce cases were brought to civil courts in 2010-2011, a two per cent decrease from the previous year, and a number that showcases a five-year decrease across the six provinces and territories (all numbers for Alberta weren’t available). But it’s not as simple as assuming husbands and wives are staying together more than ever. Marriage rates across Canada had started dropping a few years back, going from 150,505 in 2006 to 147,288 in 2008. As Kelly notes in the article:

Family structures in Canada are changing. The proportion of married couples has been steadily decreasing over the past 20 years while common-law unions are becoming more numerous. The proportion of lone-parent families has also been steadily rising since the mid-1960s (Statistics Canada 2007). Although the number and rate of marriages has been declining in recent years, the number of married couples is still much greater than the number of common-law couples in Canada (Statistics Canada 2011 and 2007).

“It makes sense to me, because more and more people are choosing just to live together, which probably is the reason behind the decline,” says divorce expert andHuffington Post blogger Deborah Moskovitch, author of “The Smart Divorce.” “It’s not like people are choosing to opt out of a relationship, but they’re not making it official.”

Click on the link to see the full article http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2012/03/29/divorce-rates-in-canada-decline_n_1387979.html


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How to Tell Your Kids You’re Getting Divorced

Published in The Huffington Post

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/deborah-moskovitch/how-to-tell-your-kids-you_b_1320140.html?ref=divorce

By Deborah Moskovitch

Research indicates that too few parents sit down and explain to their children that their marriage is ending. They also don’t encourage their children to ask questions. Parents often say nothing, leaving their children confused. When parents do not explain what’s happening, the children feel anxious, upset and lonely and find it much harder to cope. Children don’t need to know the reasons behind the divorce, but what you can tell them is what it means to them and their lives.

Providing age-appropriate information will help your children and adolescents cope with the many changes in their lives initiated by the separation and divorce. It will make them feel less anxious. And it establishes a healthy pattern of communication with your children.

Preparing for conversation: Children and adolescents are much smarter then we often give them credit for. There is information they will want to know and appropriate to share, such as:

    • The parenting plan. If you can, try to work out an interim agreement about what your living arrangements will be before you talk with your children. Although this plan might change later, your children will feel more confident if they know you’ve put some thought into the separation and how it might impact them.
    • Reassurance. Let your children know that they are equally important to both of you, and you both want to be with them. Assure your children that the divorce is between mom and dad, and not your children — you will always be their parents.
  • Answers to their questions: Try to think of the questions that your children might ask and be ready with answers. For example, they will want to know if they will be able to attend the same school or see their friends and extended family and where each of you will be living.

Talk about it together: It is helpful for both parents to talk with the children together. This gives them a consistent message and shows them that you both love them and that you can and will work together and parent cooperatively, even though you are divorcing. When it is not possible to talk to children together, do the best that you can to coordinate what you are saying to them and be sure not to put down your co-parent or be negative about them.

Provide the right message: When parents talk to their children about the separation or divorce, they are some very important things that you most likely will want your children to hear:

    • That it was a mutual decision to separate; avoid laying blame on one parent.
    • You, their parents, love them very much and that the divorce is not their fault
  • Tell them what their lives will look like in concrete terms. For example: what will stay the same and what may change. Try to provide your children with security and routine.

Allow for grieving: Don’t rush your children; allow them time to react. Children need their space to grieve and adjust to this new reality too. Allow your children to express any and all feelings; let them know that is OK to do so. Also, help your children articulate different feelings and let them know that they can ask you anything.

Help your child understand the new reality: What will your children’s new reality look like? Hang a family calendar in a prominent place or in your children’s rooms. Show your children that you care; help them keep track of when they will be in each home. Since they will be adjusting to life in two separate homes, you want them to feel comfortable in this new routine.

And lastly, don’t be afraid to tell your children that you, the parents, may not have all the answers, but you are working toward goals together.

I also discuss this topic with Marilyn Denis on The Marilyn Denis show.  To watch the interview click on the link

http://m.marilyn.ca/mobile/segment.aspx?segid=17929

For more tips and strategies about the conversation with your children, I interviewed Joan Kelly, an internationally recognized psychologist whose work focuses on the impact of divorce on children, on The Smart Divorce on Divorce Source Radio

http://www.divorcesourceradio.com/what-should-we-tell-the-children-about-our-separation-or-divorce/

More helpful tips may be found in The Smart Divorce: Proven Strategies and Valuable Advice from 100 Top Divorce Lawyers, Financial Advisers, Counselors, and Other Experts (Chicago Review Press, 2007). Or through The Smart Divorce ToolKit. You may also wish to visit The Smart Divorce website for more information about information tools, resources and divorce coaching.  

To place an order or for more information email info@thesmartdivorce.com



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Can Divorce Cause Sickness & Disease?

Stress not only affects our mental well-being, but our physical health as well.  Our guest, Dr. Vivien Browna family physician and Vice President for MEDISYS Health Group, Inc., in charge of Medical Affairs (http://www.medisys.ca/) explores the impact of stress on the body and how you can actually prevent disease and illness – because “nothing makes you feel more fragile than getting sick.”

Dr. Brown shares with us the importance of preventative medicine and what you can do at a time when your body is most vulnerable.   An award winner for teaching on many levels, Dr. Brown’s major interests are in the area of health promotion and prevention for women, and continuing medical education. She is particularly focused in the area of Adult Immunization and Vaccine Preventable Illness.

Topics include:

  • The impact of stress on the immune system on our lives
  • Focusing on a healthy lifestyle and understanding modifiable risks
  • Health promotion and health prevention
  • The importance of a fitness program
  • Important immunizations
  • Coping with depression

To hear this podcast, click on the link:  http://www.divorcesourceradio.com/can-divorce-cause-sickness-disease/


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Parent Alienation 911

Judge Michele Lowrance and I Jill Egizi have written a Parental Alienation Workbook entitled Parental Alienation 911.

This product is ideal for anyone who wants to understand the facts about parental alienation.
In particular this product is geared toward arming parents who wonder if they are experiencing alienation with all the information they need to make the best of a difficult, potentially inflammatory situation.
For parents who are already in the midst of an alienation conflict; parents who are suffering from a deterioration in their relationship with their children after divorce this invaluable product offers a myriad of tools and resources for managing the emotional and legal complexities. This information is organized so that you can be as informed and aware as possible about what’s going on. The best thing that can happen is that you reconnect with your children the worst thing that can happen is that you never tried.
For more information, or to order the program, click on the link:


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Downgrading Divorce From Crisis To Process In The Workplace

As published in The Huffington Post

Divorce or the breakdown of a relationship is an extremely emotional process. People are often confused, filled with fear and unsure of how to navigate the process. Their world is turned upside down, triggering unsettling and distressful emotions. The effects of the emotional distress in the workplace can be devastating.

Close to 50 percent of marriages in North America end in divorce. The divorce rate rises to a staggering 60 percent and higher for subsequent divorces by these same individuals. Clearly, we need to employ strategies that will get everyone, including those caught in the middle — often the children — off the “divorce-go-round” and on to a better life. We need to encourage healthy new beginnings, even when divorce looks like an end.

On a classic rating scale of stressful life events, divorce consistently ranks number two — second only to the death of a spouse or child. People often feel overburdened and lack confidence, so it’s not surprising many buckle under the pressure.

Divorce undoubtedly reduces a worker’s productivity. According to John Curtis of Integrated Organizational Development in Waynesville, N.C., the cost per worker going through a divorce is about $8,300, assuming an average wage of $19.50 per hour and a 50 percent to 75 percent drop in productivity. That estimate also includes days missed as the worker takes time off to deal with the legal, financial and psychological issues related to divorce.

 To read the whole article click on the link