The Smart Divorce® Weblog

Move forward with focus, hope, and confidence.


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Introducing – The Smart Divorce® Resource Tool Kit

I am pleased to announce the launch of a new product called: The Smart Divorce® Resource Tool Kit.  The purpose of the Tool Kit is to provide organizations, lawyers, mental health professionals and others in the divorce arena with a resource to help their employees and clients divorce with focus, hope and confidence.  The Smart Divorce® Resource Tool Kit is one very smart package developed specifically to meet an individual’s needs.

This valuable Tool Kit is designed to reduce stress, educate and inform about the many aspects of the divorce process, and is cost effective and easy to understand.

Divorce or a breakdown of a co-habitation relationship is an extremely emotional process. While divorce is a personal matter the emotional impact can spill over into the workplace suddenly making it a public affair. There are so many unknowns about divorce that people are often confused, filled with fear and unsure of how to navigate the process.  In an effort to better heal and deal with divorce process privately, many individuals seek therapeutic counseling.  However, not all therapists are equipped to help their patients understand the specifics of divorce to alleviate many of their concerns i.e. the legal process, financial impact or custody and access issues.  As a result, an individual’s world is temporarily turned upside down, triggering unsettling and distressful emotions. The effects of the emotional distress in the workplace can be devastating.

On a classic rating scale of stressful life events, divorce consistently ranks No. 2–second only to the death of a spouse or child. The process of getting divorced is an emotional roller coaster which can impact people’s ability to be mindful on the job. Although divorce is primarily a personal heartbreak, the effects spill into the workplace; at the extreme – costing one to lose their job – not to mention a good portion of their wealth, and it can even affect the organization’s reputation.  People often feel overburdened and lack confidence; it is not surprising how many buckle under the pressure.

It is well documented that divorce reduces worker productivity.  If one were to do a cost benefit analysis of the effects of divorce in the workplace, one would find that the financial costs to the organization can be enormous.

I understand only too well how devastating the emotions of divorce can be, taking over the legal process while wreaking havoc on one’s career, causing a meltdown on so many fronts, and  the difficulty in overcoming the challenges  of raising children on your own.  It is for these reasons that I created The Smart Divorce® Resource Tool Kit.    I know how important it is to treat your divorce as a business transaction, and arm yourself with as much information as possible.

The Smart Divorce Resource Tool Kit includes:

The Smart Divorce Audios.  These unique and informative audios provide tips and strategies to help navigate this difficult time, educate listeners about the divorce process and provide practical information on getting through divorce with clarity.

  • Audio 1 – The Emotional  Divorce
  • Audio 2– The Legal Divorce
  • Audio 3 – Smart Co-Parenting: Putting Your Children’s Best Interests First
  • Audio 4 – Rebuilding Your Life Post Divorce

Smart Guides.  12 very valuable tip sheets that support the information in the audios and cover other important issues; providing detail, strategies and tips for managing a specific divorce related topic.

In addition to the extensive information available in The Smart Divorce Resource Tool Kit, some organizations may also find it beneficial to offer workshops.  These presentations will provide greater clarity about divorce and managing through the process, in an effort to minimize stress, while maximizing an employee’s attention at work during this often distracting time.

The Smart Divorce® facilitator guided workshop

  • Workshop 1- The Smart Divorce.  A 1 ½ hour overview of the divorce process based on the book, The Smart Divorce. The divorce process in explained in broad terms, while providing an understanding of the emotional divorce and the legal divorce
  • Workshop 2- Strengthening the Blended Family Bonds.  A one hour presentation focusing on considerations when blending families.

Note: Each workshop includes PowerPoint presentation and facilitator script.

Don’t miss out on the introductory offer and save $50 when you place an order a minimum order of 10 kits.  Or, try it out and order just one Toolkit.

For more information click on the link.   To learn more about this unique and innovative program, and how it may help your organization or practice, please contact Deborah Moskovitch at info@thesmartdivorce.com.

The Smart Divorce Resource Tool Kit _ Flyer


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Achieving Peace, Harmony and Forgiveness with an Ex

Award winning writer/producer Arlene Sarner has written for every major movie studio including. Arlene is a talented and engaging writer who shares her story about forgiveness, personal transformation and moving on with Deborah Moskovitch on The Smart Divorce.  Arlene shares her very powerful story of turning years of acrimony and hostility towards her ex husband, into a now peaceful and civil relationship and says” So don’t lose hope–even the most rancorous relationships with exes can eventually shift into civility” http://www.huffingtonpost.com/arlene-sarner/an-ex-passover-guest_b_852318.html?ref=tw

Topics in this program include:

• The Lunch with the ex and how it changed everything
• Forgiveness, the power to forgive and letting go
• How letting go of anger changed a family.
Tune in to listen to hear this inspiring story

http://www.divorcesourceradio.com/achieving-peace-harmony-and-forgiveness-with-an-ex/


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How you can forgive your ex-husband

Letting go of a spouse’s transgressions isn’t easy. Here are 5 ways to move on.

By:
Deborah Moskovitch
ForgiveExHusband150

Forgiveness and letting go are topics that often arise in my divorce consulting practice. The individuals who were “wronged” either through betrayal, shattered promises, or a whole host of other reasons want an apology. Many feel that having a sense that justice has been done will ease the emotional trauma. But, the truth is, an apology or restitution is unlikely to happen. Even when apologies happen, offended parties tend to perceive them as less complete and sincere than they ought to be.

I hear:

He had an affair, he was wrong, and I want him to get down on his knees and beg for forgiveness.”

“He promised we would spend the rest of our lives together, and now he’s leaving? I hate him; he deserves nothing!”

And the extreme, “I’m going to cut his !@#$ off, he doesn’t deserve to be forgiven, only to be in pain for the rest of his life – just like Lorena Bobbitt did to her husband.”

To read the full article click on the link

http://www.more.ca/relationships/single-life/how-you-can-forgive-your-ex-husband/a/35594


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Your presence is requested as we celebrate our divorce

The invitations to Charles and Bonnie Bronfman’s latest fete are embossed and formal. Guests of the Canadian-born business magnate and his architect wife are asked to wear proper business attire for the fancy event — a night of cocktails and party chatter in New York City. And before signing off on the invites with “Fondly, Bonnie and Charles,” they tell guests how much they look forward “to continuing these relationships with everyone.”

To read the full article, and view a quote by Deborah Moskovitch, open the pdf below.

Your presence is requested as we celebrate our divorce


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Grey divorce is on the rise — Huffington Post

Recent statistics show that the divorce rate has increased significantly amongst couples who have been in long term marriages of 20, 30 years or longer. Just look at Tipper and Al Gore, Kurt and Martha Schrader, Cameron Crowe and Nancy Wilson, Sumner Redstone and Phyllis Gloria Raphael, are some couples that spring to mind. People seem to be scratching their heads and asking, if these couples have made their marriage work this long, why couldn’t they last “till death do us part.

To read the full article in The Huffington Post, click on the link below:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/deborah-moskovitch/post_2054_b_865942.html


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A fight to save a marriage

Tune in to The Smart Divorce and hear how one courageous woman fought to save her marriage.  Beverly Willlet is now using her expertise and experience to effect social change.

When Beverly Willett was faced with divorce she did something few have tried… challenging the divorce in court.  She wanted desperately to save her marriage and avoid divorce.  Beverly has extensive knowledge about the judicial system, both from her research and personal experience, and is passionate about divorce reform.

Beverly www.beverlywillett.com, is an author and former attorney. Her articles about divorce, marriage and parenting have appeared in many publications, including The New York Times, Newsweek, Woman’s Day, Family Circle, Prevention, Salon.com, Parenting and The Daily Beast. She’s a regular contributor to The Huffington Post Divorce page, a former Contributing Editor to Chicken Soup for the Soul Magazine, and a long-time advisor to Parentalwisdom.com. For the past year, she has been consulting with groups and individuals about divorce reform on a pro bono basis. She is the chair of the advisory committee for the Coalition for Divorce Reform. (http://www.divorcereform.info/)

Topics in this program include:

• The Impossible Dream: The Fight to Save Beverly’s Marriage
• Giving up on your career for your children
• The differences and flaws between No Fault vs. Fault Divorce
• When mom’s break up: Coping with the loss of friendships post divorce
• How the Coalition for Divorce Reform is making a difference.

Click on the link to hear this fascinating interview:

http://www.divorcesourceradio.com/the-fight-to-save-a-marriage-and-thoughts-on-divorce-reform/


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Grey Divorce is on the Rise

Recent statistics show that the divorce rate has increased significantly by couples who have been in long term marriages of 20, 30 years or more.  Just look at Maria Shriver and Arnold Schwarzenegger, or Tipper and Al Gore.  People seem to be scratching their heads asking, if these couples have made their marriage work this long, why couldn’t they last “till death do us part”.

The result isn’t really all that shocking when you consider the reasons why couples marry have changed over the past 50 years, and that divorce has become more socially acceptable.  What men and women are looking for in a spouse and their expectations of a long term relationship has changed.  Women wanted someone to take care of them, men wanted to be in a position of power.  Today, as more women become financially independent, looking to be taken care of is no longer what many are seeking.  Rather, both women and men want an equal partnership in the relationship, and a best friend.

I was interviewed on Canada AM this morning discussing Grey Divorce.    This is the information I shared.

  • Research shows us that more woman are leaving the marriage than men.
  • Often times when women choose to leave, their husband’s are blindsided by the decision.
  • Further, research tells us that more women are leaving for their own emotional well-being, while men are more likely to leave for someone else.
  • We are living longer, healthier, fitter lives.  When adult children leave home, and their parents become empty nesters, you have many spouses in their 50’s and 60’s looking at their partner and say to themselves – “I don’t want to spend the next 20 or 30 years or more with you.” Why?
    • People have decided to no longer look the other way when there are issues of infidelity, emotional abuse, and substance or alcohol abuse.
    • Many couples have drifted apart during the child rearing years, and once the children have left home, find they no longer have anything in common.
    • Often times, many of these couples were living parallel lives during the marriage, and now want a partner, not a roommate.
    • There has been a lack of emotional and intimate relations.
    • People have grown apart and their values no longer mesh.
    • Many of these individuals want a best friend and companion with similar interests and values to live out the rest of their lives; grow old and hold hands.

If you feel your marriage, or relationship is deteriorating because you are no longer the priority, have lost that loving feeling and still love your partner – you’re just not in love with him or her, then perhaps marriage counseling might put you back on track.

If you feel that divorce is the only option, you are not alone.  Many others are deciding that the” good enough marriage” is no longer good enough.


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10 Things We Wish We Had Known about Getting a Divorce

BY CARA WATERFALL

Don’t Be Ashamed to Reach Out to Family and Friends.
When you got married, you thought you would be the one to rise above the stats and make it work. Now you’re consoling yourself with a tub of Chubby Hubby and Married with Children re-runs, wondering where it all went wrong. The latest estimates from Statistics Canada put the divorce rate around 38% in Canada.  The good news? You’re not alone. And relying on friends and family during this difficult time is the key to getting you back on the road to happiness.

Accept That There Will Be Lonely Periods.
There are no two ways about it: you’re going to be lonely. Jamaal, 34, says, “How could you not be? Many hours of the week that used to be occupied will now be free; the home that used to be full of conversation (or disagreement) will be silent. Be ready for it.”
Keep busy with new hobbies, hanging out with friends, and reconnecting with family. Above all, don’t mistake your need for human contact as a sign you should jump into another relationship.

Remember The Bad Times
It’s normal to reminisce about the good, old days.  A recently separated 34-year-old said, “It’s only natural that we should hold on most strongly to the happy memories, and dismiss or gloss over the unhappy ones. It’s important to remember that the decision to split up was not taken lightly.” Divorce can turn your life upside down, but you would still be together if it was all puppy dogs and rainbows.

Cut The Cord
You need a period of non-contact between you and your ex to adjust to life “on the outside.” Although it’s admirable to think we’re all mature enough to sustain grown-up relationships with our exes, for most of us, this just won’t be the case. There’s no good reason to torture each other with phony pleasantries—unless you have kids together. Don’t muddy the already-murky waters.

You’re Divorcing More Than Your Husband.
Divorce is not only the death of a marriage, but also of some of the shared hopes and dreams. Although it can feel intensely private, others were along for the ride: your ex’s family and friends were part of your inner circle and now they can’t be. Tina, 44, remembers “how much divorce hurts people other than yourself.” She also recalls how radically her future changed: “What I thought my life was going to become was altered when I became divorced.”

You’re Also Divorcing a Lifestyle
Montreal-based divorce coach Marilyn Rackover’s first order of business for her clients is that wives become familiar with the family finances. As a divorcée herself, she was fortunate to have a husband who shared what items needed to be negotiated—like health insurance—and many women are included in their husband’s health coverage. It’s time to create your own financial identity—separate from your ex’s.

Create A Paper Trail For Everything.
Deborah Moscovitch, the founder of The Smart Divorce, encourages people to treat the divorce as a business transaction. In addition to a financial paper trail, keep a paper trail of everything that been discussed and agreed upon.

Getting Sound Advice is Critical.
Don’t underestimate the power of a good divorce lawyer. It’s important to have a trusted third party to guide you through the complexities of divorce proceedings. Your lawyer can point out the fine print—and help you understand it.

Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff.

One woman remembers how her friend ranted about a potato-masher that her ex had in his possession. Of course, she wasn’t really upset about the potato-masher! Recognize that the pain of divorce stems from many different things and that pointing fingers is pointless.  Don’t quibble about the little things, because they may come back to bite you—and ultimately, they impede your ability to move forward.

You Are Stronger Than You Realize.
By standing on your own two feet, you empower yourself.  One 44 year-old divorcée was always known as the one who didn’t take charge until she finally listened to her own intuition and left her husband. She said: “When I took charge of my life, I was so proud of myself, because I realized I could do it without his help.”

*Not her real name

Resources:
1.    http://imfcanada.org/default.aspx?go=article&aid=1182&tid=8
2.    http://www.vifamily.ca/sites/default/files/divorce_facts_causes_conseque…
3.    http://www.thesmartdivorce.com/main.html

Original article appeared on

http://www.ivillage.ca/relationships/divorce/10-things-we-wish-we-had-known-about-getting-divorce#


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Finding Happiness During Divorce

Finding Happiness During Divorce is the new program on The Smart Divorce with Deborah Moskovitch featuring Susan Pease Gadoua. Isn’t it time you find your happiness?

Our guest, Susan Pease Gadoua is the founder and Executive Director of the Transition Institute of Marin, specializing in meeting the needs of separating and divorcing men and women. We explore the importance of understanding your own needs, how to find your happiness, and the meaning of loving yourself.  It’s an enlightening and engaging conversation, tune in to learn how to find the power of happiness.

  • The meaning of happiness
  • What it means to love yourself, to be open to loving and healthy relationships
  • Preparing yourself emotionally for a great relationship
  • Why people get stuck in relationship traps – and being with the same personality type
  • Avoiding the relationship trap mistakes and downfalls
  • The risk of a rebound relationship

Click here to liste:

http://www.divorcesourceradio.com/finding-happiness-during-divorce/


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Six divorce advice tips

Going through a divorce can be tough in many ways. Here is some thoughtful advice to help get you through this chapter, and on to a brighter tomorrow.

Divorce advice

A divorce can take its toll on everyone involved. As you process the reality of what you and your family are actually going through, you might be left feeling mentally and emotionally drained, and quite alone in your experiences. But the truth is, you’re not, and you will get through it. Here are 6 great articles and tips with solid divorce advice to help you get through this difficult time

1. Surviving divorce at midlife
You’re going through a divorce and your life is about to change quite dramatically. One woman discusses how a surprise divorce gave her a new path in life.

2. Reclaim your space after divorce
So your ex has moved out – now what? One of the best ways to get through a divorce is to reclaim your own space. Check out our guide to moving your home from “we” to “me”.

3. 5 steps to post-divorce happiness
Your marriage may be over, but that doesn’t mean your life is. Expert tips on how to survive life post-divorce, and how to find your happiness again.

4. After divorce: Happier, stronger you
Identifying herself as a formerly married person didn’t work. But as a fabulous single woman…

5. Home alone: The post-divorce social scene
It may not be easy, but it is possible. This artlcle explores ways in which you can rebuild your social life after a divorce.

6. From dam to glam: Dating after divorce
The dating game has never been an easy one. And now that you’ve been there, done that, and are back again, how do you get back in? You will also find useful tips here to ensure you are putting your children’s best interests first.

By: Simone Castello & More.ca

This article is original content on More.ca

You might also be interested in reading Canadian divorce consultant Deborah Moskovitch’s Midlife divorce advice for women. Are children of a divorce really doomed? Check out Divorce myths debunked to find out. Also, is it possible your parents are to be blamed for your midlife divorce?

For this article and more, click on
http://www.more.ca/relationships/single-life/6-divorce-advice-tips/a/34568

http://www.more.ca/relationships/single-life/deborah-moskovitch-midlife-divorce-advice-for-women/a/1909