The Smart Divorce® Weblog

Move forward with focus, hope, and confidence.


Leave a comment

Out of The Closet Support for The Straight Spouse

From The Smart Divorce on Divorce Source Radio

Roughly two million lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) individuals in the United States have married someone of the opposite sex.  When these partners come out of the closet, one third of these relationships break up right away, a third stay together for a year and then separate, and another third commit to making it work – although three years later, only half of this last group of relationships are still intact. Our guest Amity Buxton. Ph.D. http://www.straightspouse.org/home.php , discusses the grieving and healing process the straight spouse experiences upon learning of this revelation.  To read more about this topic, Deborah writes about it in more.ca.

Topics include:

  • When a spouse comes out how it impacts the family
  • The six stages of recovery
  • Children’s reaction to a their parents disclosure
  • Understanding the healing journey

To hear this interview click on the link:

http://tinyurl.com/Amity-Buxton


Leave a comment

What’s family day really about?

Given that today is family day in Ontario, it has given me time to stop and ponder.  Although I’ve had to work all day, being surrounded by my children is something I will always be thankful for.

The legal community and researches often define divorce matters in technical terms…….custodial parent, custody, access, primary residence, but the term that irks me most is “broken home”.  I understand the legal rationale behind referring to certain terms, but when it comes to defining a family run by a single parent as broken, I wonder — where is the break?  Perhaps I’m sensitive, but I don’t consider my children to be growing up in a “broken home.” When I talk to my children, we call ourselves a family because that’s what we are.

Families.  Single parent households, blended families, same-sex families, cohabitating families…….there are, I know, many other reconfigurations that I haven’t even mentioned.  When you’re divorced and single suddenly the words family day take on new meaning.

What if you’re divorced with no children, and perhaps no extended family in your life to share the day – does that mean you can’t celebrate? I suggest, reach out to your friends who have become your extended family.  Let them know how special they are to you.  Think about what family means to you and start building important bonds and relationships that you hope can be long lasting.

If you have become estranged or alienated from your family and children use this time to reflect and try to understand what went wrong.  Perhaps this can be the day when you start mending those broken relationships.  The ending of a relationship between a parent and a child is probably one of the most painful experiences to ever happen.

I recently interviewed Jill Egizzi on my new radio show The Smart Divorce on Divorce Source Radio.  Tune in to hear the Jill’s painful experience of becoming a targeted parent and losing the relationship with her children.

Click here to listen to the interview http://tinyurl.com/Jill-Egizzi

What do you do to overcome these devastating scenarios of parent alienation?  Dr. Robert A. Simon, a clinical and forensic psychologist in California suggests:

“Parental Alienation Syndrome, though a very real phenomenon, is something that I believe has become rather “trendy” these days. One of the things I’ve come to understand about PAS is that even when a parent deliberately sets out to alienate the children from the other parent that the other parent often behaves in ways so as to “confirm” the alienation. In terms of re-establishing a relationship with your children, it is vital that you look carefully at yourself and at what you are doing or have done that may play into the hands of the children’s other parent.. Otherwise, no matter what the courts do, the children will still struggle in their relationship with you”.

I also suggest that you work with a parenting expert, psychologist, psychiatrist or social worker to help understand the dynamics and guide you to put the relationship right.  If you are dealing with a painful experience and having a difficult time rebuilding the relationship, you should still try to work with one of these professionals because you are most likely dealing with your own emotional turmoil that needs healing.

One a separate note, if you are having martial difficulties and considering divorce, tune into hear Dr. Simon speak about marriage counseling and considerations.  http://tinyurl.com/Dr-Robert-Simon

I would also like to refer you to the links at the side of this blog, there are some helpful sites to research these topics as well.

What I hope that you will take away from reading this post is how important it is for children to have a healthy relationship with both parents.  Of course, if one parent is abusive either physically or emotionally, that is not what I am referring to.  I am talking about a loving, healthy relationship where children are not used as pawns and both parents take their responsibilities seriously meaning emotional, financial and ensure their basic needs met.

If you are contributing to the breakdown of the relationship or your child’s other parent is, please reflect and consider the long term effects on your child and help to start rebuilding those relationships today.

If you are as fortunate as I am to have a healthy relationship with your children, then give them an extra hug today and tell them how much you love them.

Family day, parent child relationships and the meaning of family I’m sure for many is a hot topic.  I urge you to share your thoughts.  What are you doing to encourage a good relationship, overcome a painful relationship, or living with a strained relationship…….I would love to hear from you, please share your thoughts.


1 Comment

I’m Divorced, But the Shame Hasn’t Left


I have had several clients in my divorce consulting practice confide that their spouse has declared that he or she was gay/lesbia­n. And, describing their feelings of being alone and confused. The reality is this is not a rare occurrence­. Conservati­ve estimates indicate that roughly two million lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgende­r (LGBT) individual­s in the United States have married someone of the opposite sex. Getting through many of the issues and feelings from the disclosure­, and effectivel­y coping, can take anywhere from 3 – 6 years to properly heal. Statistics indicate that it takes one year of healing for every five years of marriage. And, once this process takes place, for many, there is a realizatio­n that their partner really did marry them out of love, and not to hide in a closet — they fully intended to make it work. Tune in to The Smart Divorce on Divorce Source Radio at divorcesou­rceradio.c­om to hear an interview with Amity Buxton, the founder of The Straight Spouse Network.
Read the Article at HuffingtonPost


Leave a comment

Parent Alienation Awareness – Exploring the depths of despair of a targeted parent

Through a frank conversation about life and book, The Look of Love (http://www.thelookoflovebook.com/index.html), Jill Egizii tells the story of a bitter divorce which rages into full scale warfare, and how the father uses the children as ammunition.  Is the shield of a mother’s love enough to save her children?  Or is it already too late.  We explore the effects of parent alienation on the family; the children, and the targeted parent.   This is a heart wrenching interview, in which Jill Egizii shares her personal experience of being a targeted parent which ultimately caused her to lose a close and loving relationship with her children.  Jill has put her heart and soul into helping others cope through the annihilation of a formerly positive relationship with one’s children.

Topics in this program include:

  • An explanation and awareness of Parent Alienation Syndrome
  • How to recognize the signs of being a targeted parent
  • Support systems available for the alienated parent
  • Steps parents should take if they think they are being alienated from their children
  • The personal story of an alienated parent, who details her losing battle to save the relationship she once had with her children.

To listen click on the link

http://www.divorcesourceradio.com/parent-alienation-awareness-%E2%80%93-exploring-the-depths-of-despair-of-a-targeted-parent/


Leave a comment

I Think My Marriage is Over, What Should I do Now?

Hear Dr. Robert Simon answer this question on The Smart Divorce on Divorce Source Radio

Is divorce always the outcome when there is conflict in the marriage?  Of course not, there are options to consider, and help available to put your marriage back on track.  This episode explores the role of marriage counseling, and the next steps required if the marriage results in divorce.  Once the decision to divorce is made, there are many considerations and issues to ponder.  Our guest, psychologist Dr. Robert A. Simon http://dr-simon.com/ provides us with tips and strategies for getting through the early days of separation with your sanity and dignity intact.

Topics in this program include:

  • The benefits of marriage counseling
  • Building your support network
  • Finding a therapist
  • Telling your children about divorce
  • Emotional healing and coping strategies
  • And so much more……..

To find out more click on the link:

http://www.divorcesourceradio.com/i-think-my-marriage-is-over-what-should-i-do-now-the-smart-divorce/


Leave a comment

A Judge’s Verdict on Separation, Custody Battles and the Bitter Realities of Family Court

There are many myths and misconceptions about what goes on in a Court Room.  When it comes to justice, all too often couples are disappointed by the outcome – and end up with large legal bills, family drama which causes an all out war, and a resolution that leaves couples disillusioned.

Our guest, Justice Harvey Brownstone, a sitting court judge, best-selling author of Tug of War, and host of Family Matters TV (http://www.familymatterstv.com/); helps us understand what really goes on inside the court room, and a judge’s mind.  Justice Brownstone has been called  a maverick judge who is a pioneer that is unilaterally changing the public image of the judiciary.

This honest and thought provoking interview will change the way you think about litigation, and how you work through the divorce process. We are fortunate to have Justice Brownstone share his thoughts and enlighten listeners as to what really goes on in Court, and what really matters.

Topics in this program include:

  • The impact of litigation on the family
  • What is really in your children’s best interest
  • The importance of a legal consultation
  • A frank discussion about divorce, relationships and so much more

To listen to Justice Brownstone’s interview click on the link:

http://www.divorcesourceradio.com/a-judges-verdict-on-the-bitter-realities-of-family-court/


Leave a comment

Announcing The Smart Divorce Radio Show

The Smart Divorce radio show on Divorce Source Radio.

Divorce touches almost everyone in society. If you haven’t personally experienced divorce, chances are you know someone how has. The impact on the individual, the family, and society are monumental. People are searching for answers and information to get through the divorce process with their sanity and dignity intact; they want to move forward with focus hope and confidence.

Brimming with expert advice and the personal experience and expertise of the hosts, Deborah Moskovitch and Steve Peck, listeners are entertained and educated with an enlightening, provocative and informative show. This is a unique and valuable show. There isn’t anything like this anywhere else.

From the trenches to the Benches — interviews with the leading divorce professionals across North America will be shared so that listeners will learn how to manage the divorce process in a healthier, less painful way and move on to create a better life postdivorce. We’ll also be speaking with individuals who have weathered divorce, and are sharing their experience by helping others as well.

Divorce Source Radio produces FREE programs featuring both legal and emotional advice from respected professionals. Tune in every week, to listen to our free programs on The Smart Divorce on Divorce Source Radio at http://www.divorcesourceradio.com/